so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
