i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
