I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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