This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
