My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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