JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
