No awkward lesbian experiences without me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
