Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
