her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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