What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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