I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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