I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
