She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
