Christians are straight up FREAKS
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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