Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
