I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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