I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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