While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
