girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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