Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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