:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
