Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
