GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
