she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
bring money and cleavage
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
