Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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