is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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