We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
