I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
