that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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