quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Terrible idea I love it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
