ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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