it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
