I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
