maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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