She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
