Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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