is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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