honey bunches of taint.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
50% drunk capacity currently
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
