Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
