She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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