I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
