im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
