you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
