Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
