I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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