i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
