Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
