I skipped work to stalk him.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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