DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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