Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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