well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
