Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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