Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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