I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
