hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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