Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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