i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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