I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
what is it with giant penises always finding me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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