I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
