So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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