dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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