the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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