at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize