cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
