Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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