How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
