i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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