My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
