it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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