eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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