Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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