That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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