so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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