well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I pour the whiskey from now on
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
