How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
