i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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