Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
