He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
