There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
