The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
