i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
