i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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