You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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