The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
