Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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