Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
