In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
