I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
