I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize