Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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