my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
