I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
