If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize