i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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