I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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