It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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