Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
