It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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