He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
