I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
