It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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